The somewhat of this-is-how

Today i am sharing something i wrote a year ago, back in June when i was so badly trying to convince myself i was over someone i clearly wasn’t. Because being in denial is so much better right? Thankfully, i wrote this as a way to wrap my head around how to go about it and honestly, a year later, i am at a much much better place. Here goes,

i am getting there, its not like forgetting someone who you got attached to happens overnight.There is a particular way of how that happens. stages of it happening

1.The courage to make that decision- when you know that this whole things isn’t good for you and is turning out to be toxic there is no reason for you to stick around. Make sure you take this step before its too late. And even if you are too deep in it, its never too late. Put yourself first. After all, you shouldn’t need anyone who doesn’t need you.

 2.Do it- whether over a text, a letter, a call or doing that in person. just do it the way you’re comfortable with. It will be hard but you’ll thank yourself for it later. Tell that person how you’ve felt all along. Pour your heart out. (well, if that person feels the same then bingo! you’ve hit the jackpot).

3.Wallow- listen to sad music, a melange of heartbreaking and getting over kinda songs. listen to it. cry your eyes out. howl. wallow. eat your feelings. talk about it. seclude yourself for a while. its okay to cry over something that never happened but you kept on hoping anyways. Binge watch a show but after that do not escape this feeling. FACE it.

4.No stalking- You need to stop checking their social media. for real. and if you have any pictures of them, DELETE. not the messages though. keep them if you want, but resist the urge to read them because reading them will ultimately lead to wanting to text them and then you actually text them. Been there, done that. you won’t be proud of yourself. trust me on this.

5.Face the reality- come to terms with the fact that this whole situation isn’t made for the movie screen, and if it were meant to happen then it would’ve happened. stop trying so hard. stop chasing something that doesn’t want to be chased. That doesn’t want to be caught by you. respect yourself enough to walk out of such a situation. Your life is your movie, there is no market business, no profit from the audience, so you know you are the lead. know that you will get your happy ending. so don’t pretend, don’t put yourself through that for the heck of it.

6.Embrace it- whatever it is you’re feeling. write it down. write down the pros and cons. see which one wins. write down all the things you didn’t like about him/her. the times they made you cry, you got upset and they didn’t care and let you go to bed in a bitter mood, when they promised you something and didn’t keep it. you will automatically realize why you let go in the first place.

7. Start doing something new- work out, cook something, travel alone to a new country or the neighboring town, do something that makes you feel happy and proud of yourself.

Eventually, you’ll learn to not miss him/her. You’ll learn you don’t need anyone, at least fr now. Prioritize your needs. Don’t sacrifice easily. You’ll soon cherish his/her memories but trust me you wouldn’t wanna go back because you will have come so far.




Seeing snow for the first time 

Apart from manali being really amazing and everything, the only thing I was super excited about before going to this place was that I was gonna get to see snow for the very first time in my life.

I’d seen snow only on screen and read about it in books but never actually seen it with my own eyes. Ever since I can remember i’d always fantasized about what it would be like to actually see snow. I knew it was going to be magical and like a dream

The day we were to climb the mountain, the only thing I was really looking forward to was the snow. And believe it or not, I was so engrossed in making it past the stepping stones while crossing the river, which by the way, looked like it was flowing really angrily

I didn’t even notice the patch of snow right beside me. Sure it was covered in mud and all, but hey it’s all about the beauty within, right?

So I legit scream and no, I don’t just run towards it, I sprint. And there was no subtlety in my reaction, I made it very obvious that in the 21 years of my life I was seeing snow for the first time.

I hastily brush off all the mud with my bare hands even though everyone else kept telling me that there was going to be plenty of snow ahead. My reaction was probably like a potterhead visiting the wizarding world of Harry Potter or a kid going to Disneyland for the first time. 

I could not believe I was holding snow in my hands! I forgot all about the exhausting climb that it had been and all the more that lay ahead. I didn’t care that my entire group was way ahead of me and it would take me really long to catch up. In that moment, I really did not care. I was having my own little moment. 

Just the fact that something like snow exists makes me so happy. 

Why i take myself out every once in a while

IMG_3221As i sit here beside the window overlooking this city finally being blessed with the rain, all I want to do is just smile and take it all in. I know it is supposed to be a vacation and I am supposed to be somewhere else with someone, anyone. I should be whining and cribbing to someone about how much period pain sucks. I should be going to bed because I have a french class to attend early in the morning tomorrow. Even though it is a Sunday.

But here I am, sitting on a bed sans a bed sheet in new room with absolutely no one around me (there probably isn’t anyone on the entire floor) and I cannot help but feel really content. I love it, I am not going to lie, as much as I love being around friends and family there will always come a point where socializing becomes too much and I yearn some solitude. I treasure those secluded times I get.  Then there is always that someone who tells me that my life is sad when they find out about this. But I think everyone has their own definition of what makes them sad. 

It has become a ritual now. One of the days of the weekends I take myself out and explore this place by walking around and going to Cafés. I have a thing for cute and cozy looking cafés and they get me really excited for some reason. And just because my friends are not in town does not mean I will just sit in my room and binge watch shows (which also is a good option). Today I did not have a choice of going very far so I just went to Starbucks because that will always be my back up when I am running late or too lazy to go to a new place. I sat in my usual cozy little corner, grabbed a cup of coffee and read Harry Potter. 

If there is one thing that I really like about myself, and there are not a lot, is how I am so okay with being by myself and how I don’t always need people . I don’t wait for anyone if there is something that I want to do, I just do it because I am doing it for myself and it makes me happy. And mind you, I have a very low self-esteem but that does not stop me taking myself out now and then. Honestly I enjoy my company the most, which I will admit is weird. But that is okay because I like weird. Going out and spending time with myself among strangers has not only been building my self-esteem but has also been giving me confidence and making me believe in myself.

Manali haul

IMG_4025Recently I went to Manali for a trek and it was absolutely one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever had, exhausting but beautiful. So being a trekking kind of a trip there was not a lot of shopping that we could do, I am not that fond of shopping anyway, unless it is about books then I go CRAZY. But we visited a couple of markets and found some cute stuff here and there. I only bought a handful of things which I really liked as soon as i saw them. I am the kind of person who shops at a very quick pace, like if  something catches my eye I will buy it, there is no time spent on browsing through things, I am that impatient. Which is why my mom does not like shopping with me.

Anyway, so first thing I did when we entered Manali was look up local bookstores and I found this really nice bookstore (they’re all nice tho). Our guide took me there because I kept requesting and would not let it go. So while everyone was shopping at the mall road, I was walking through these alleys and somewhere not so crowded as mall road to get to this bookstore. I will write more about the bookstore and the books I bought in the books section. I bought 3 books:


  • Philosophy a very short introduction by Edward Craig
  • A farewell to arms by ernest hemingway
  • A Short History of a Small Place by T.R.Pearson


I also bought an Eco-friendly handmade bookmark with a Dalai Lama quote on it and a few postcards for 15 rupees each.


Next I knew exactly what I wanted so I went searching for it which was not at all difficult because almost every shop had it, The Prayer Flags. Yeah the ones which almost everyone gets when they visit the north. I could have asked anyone I know to get it for me whenever they visited but I wanted to get one for myself.


The Flag comes in different sizes and I bought the first one I saw. I got it for 50 rupees, usually I bargain everywhere but here I did not want to, since it is a Prayer Flag. These Prayer Flags consist of the colours wherein each colour symbolizes an element. Blue represents sky, white-wind,red-fire, green-water, yellow-earth. The one I got is the horizontal flag also known as Lung Dar. After reading a bit on this I found out that it is better to receive them as a gift, well, good thing I got one for my friend.

On the last day we went to old Manali again and I bought a kurti which can be worn as a dress as well. I spotted this kurti while strolling through one of the lanes of old Manali,  it was displayed outside the shop. Not only did I buy it, I made my cousins buy the same one in different colours. Also convinced the shopkeeper to sell it for 300 rupees instead 600.