So now that i have been home for a few months and my mother very conveniently hid the coffee somewhere, which usually belongs to me, seriously she only takes it out when we have guests over now and when they prefer coffee over chai or when she is fasting. That is the only time i get to smell the aroma of the mighty drink.
Seriously though, i needed to find my fix of caffeine since i wasn’t allowed to have coffee at home. I, now, drink chai. No kidding! me?! Who never even wanted to taste it for the 20 years of my existence, now i consume it thrice a day at least. How did it come to this?
I never thought myself to be a chai person. I make it with soy milk but still! CHAI! I drink CHAI now and i feel like i am cheating on coffee every time i do it. And i like it, a part of me questions why i never had it before and a part of me is just baffled that i am drinking chai on a daily basis now. And it tastes so good! But i miss coffee but i love chai now and now i am ranting. It is freaking 2:32am and i wanna make a cup of tea. There were times when i would sneak coffee in my bedroom ( not alcohol, not boys….but yeah coffee. i am pretty badass) and hide it under my bed every time my parents knocked on my bedroom door, and now i don’t even bother sneaking around and making it. What is even happening to me?
Maybe i should just start mixing them both and have it. That would be a fun experiment and it does not taste all that bad from what i remember back when i had it in Thailand.
Been doing that thing where I listen to way too much music and zone out more than usual.
That thing I do where i completely lose myself in a book to the point where reality is what appears as a break.
More sleeping than usual, more staying in bed even if it’s just Laying around and not getting work done.
Taking road trips just for the heck of it and trying to accomplish the task of reading along with not wanting to miss out on the view.
Just sitting by the window when it starts raining and doing nothing but listening to the sound of rain.
A little more observing and less speaking.
August, you’ve been one taking-it-easy on the self kinda month so far.
Sometimes, a lot of people find it really hard to believe it when i say that my mood is equally as bad as my period pain when it comes to that time of the month. Like not i-wanna-kill everyone bad but more like nothing ever matters and nothing ever will. That is the kind of bad i am talking about. And every time time i come to know that my period will be arriving soon is not because of a calendar or something but because there will be these days where i would feel super low and i will cry for no reason or just cry because i feel like it. I will cry in the shower, i will cry myself to sleep and just put on my sad playlist and cry to every song on it.
It is not some kind of momentary thing, it will last for good 7-8 days and that just sucks because then my mood has already waved goodbye to any motivation i had. Do you ever just feel like there is this whirlpool inside of you which is just sucking on any emotion you have and then all you are left with is emptiness? It is just you walking around with your emptiness, sleeping with it, barely eating or eating a lot owing to it, and existing without any motivation to fill something up in that empty space?
Well, i have had this go on for many years and there has to be something done about it. I do allow myself to stay in bed longer than usual without feeling guilty about it and watch some super emotional stuff that will make me cry harder. But i feel like something should be done so that this feeling does not feel prolonged. Here are the things that i hope turns that mood around for you or just make you feel somewhat better:
- If you are in the habit of journaling then read the pages where you have written about some good times you’ve had. If not, then just scroll through your gallery and look at those photos when you were all happy.
- Read, watch or in any way just go through something that you have been passionate about. It could be photography, traveling, dancing, something you must have doodled about the things you really like and allow that to make you feel something.
- I know they say that you should not drink coffee when you are on your periods but honestly coffee works for me because it gives me that kick and sipping it while going through something that inspires me really motivates me to do something.
- If coffee isn’t your things then hot chocolate or tea with a little bit vanilla in both really helps, i strongly recommend it to go with a feel-good movie.
- Read your favorite chapter from a book or watch a favorite episode from a show you like.
These are the things that help me get through these kind of gloomy days. Drop in any more suggestions that you guys think could help 🙂
The night when you have cried yourself to sleep
and you wake up tired with a heavy heart
make yourself some tea
Open that window
Allow the sun to lend you some of its warmth
sit there and take some comfort in the way those rays hug your body
give nature a chance to you show its affection.
-healing by nature