i spent way too much time
i cant get any of it back
i spent way too much time
i cant get any of it back
Have you ever
Felt so distant from yourself
That you don’t recognise
Who you are anymore?
Anxiety has always felt like this uninvited guest who cannot help but meddle with your schedule.
Today i am sharing something i wrote a year ago, back in June when i was so badly trying to convince myself i was over someone i clearly wasn’t. Because being in denial is so much better right? Thankfully, i wrote this as a way to wrap my head around how to go about it and honestly, a year later, i am at a much much better place. Here goes,
I’m getting there, its not like forgetting someone who you got attached to happens overnight.There is a particular way of how that happens. stages of it happening
1.The courage to make that decision- when you know that this whole things isn’t good for you and is turning out to be toxic there is no reason for you to stick around. Make sure you take this step before its too late. And even if you are too deep in it, its never too late. Put yourself first. After all, you shouldn’t need anyone who doesn’t need you.
2.Do it- whether over a text, a letter, a call or doing that in person. just do it the way you’re comfortable with. It will be hard but you’ll thank yourself for it later. Tell that person how you’ve felt all along. Pour your heart out. (well, if that person feels the same then bingo! you’ve hit the jackpot).
3.Wallow- listen to sad music, a melange of heartbreaking and getting over kinda songs. listen to it. cry your eyes out. howl. wallow. eat your feelings. talk about it. seclude yourself for a while. its okay to cry over something that never happened but you kept on hoping anyways. Binge watch a show but after that do not escape this feeling. FACE it.
4.No stalking- You need to stop checking their social media. for real. and if you have any pictures of them, DELETE. not the messages though. keep them if you want, but resist the urge to read them because reading them will ultimately lead to wanting to text them and then you actually text them. Been there, done that. you won’t be proud of yourself. trust me on this.
5.Face the reality- come to terms with the fact that this whole situation isn’t made for the movie screen, and if it were meant to happen then it would’ve happened. stop trying so hard. stop chasing something that doesn’t want to be chased. That doesn’t want to be caught by you. respect yourself enough to walk out of such a situation. Your life is your movie, there is no market business, no profit from the audience, so you know you are the lead. know that you will get your happy ending. so don’t pretend, don’t put yourself through that for the heck of it.
6.Embrace it- whatever it is you’re feeling. write it down. write down the pros and cons. see which one wins. write down all the things you didn’t like about him/her. the times they made you cry, you got upset and they didn’t care and let you go to bed in a bitter mood, when they promised you something and didn’t keep it. you will automatically realize why you let go in the first place.
7. Start doing something new- work out, cook something, travel alone to a new country or the neighboring town, do something that makes you feel happy and proud of yourself.
Eventually, you’ll learn to not miss him/her. You’ll learn you don’t need anyone, at least for now. Prioritize your needs. Don’t sacrifice easily. You’ll soon cherish his/her memories but trust me you wouldn’t wanna go back because you will have come so far.
I can’t help but miss what we didn’t even have.
Sometimes, a lot of people find it really hard to believe it when i say that my mood is equally as bad as my period pain when it comes to that time of the month. Like not i-wanna-kill everyone bad but more like nothing ever matters and nothing ever will. That is the kind of bad i am talking about. And every time time i come to know that my period will be arriving soon is not because of a calendar or something but because there will be these days where i would feel super low and i will cry for no reason or just cry because i feel like it. I will cry in the shower, i will cry myself to sleep and just put on my sad playlist and cry to every song on it.
It is not some kind of momentary thing, it will last for good 7-8 days and that just sucks because then my mood has already waved goodbye to any motivation i had. Do you ever just feel like there is this whirlpool inside of you which is just sucking on any emotion you have and then all you are left with is emptiness? It is just you walking around with your emptiness, sleeping with it, barely eating or eating a lot owing to it, and existing without any motivation to fill something up in that empty space?
Well, i have had this go on for many years and there has to be something done about it. I do allow myself to stay in bed longer than usual without feeling guilty about it and watch some super emotional stuff that will make me cry harder. But i feel like something should be done so that this feeling does not feel prolonged. Here are the things that i hope turns that mood around for you or just make you feel somewhat better:
These are the things that help me get through these kind of gloomy days.