Distant

Have you ever
Felt so distant from yourself
That you don’t recognise
Who you are anymore?

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It has started getting cold again.
The cold of the winter which makes me want create warmth in the comfort of my home .
winter, however, will go and the sunshine and warmth of summer will be welcomed.
But what about the cold inside?
I just want to find that warmth again before it gets cold forever.
Nothing lasts forever. 

I believe you

When you say you miss me

I also believe

All the silence

that you throw my way

It doesn’t make any noise

But hits hard enough

To leave a bruise for days

I believe you

When you say you’ve been hurt

I also believe

In that ache I feel

When you refuse

To acknowledge my hurting

I believe it all

The said

The unsaid

I just don’t know

If I believe

in myself anymore

To have the strength

To believe in us.

But there never was or is an us 

Writing- an escape to reality 

Writing has always been an insightful escape. I mean, sure movies and music have saved some heartache from time-to-time. But writing comes to the rescue like nothing else. It is like having a conversation with someone you know would understand and would know the right things to say. You know the kind of situation where i cannot lie to myself.  
I have been writing a lot these days. Mostly in my journal. The whole putting pen to paper and writing my heart out at 2am kind of a thing. And that can only mean either one of these things, either there’s a volcano of inspiration waiting to erupt inside me or i feel more broken than ever.I am not complaining though, i love it when i write, but why is there always an overwhelming urge to write about what breaks me rather than what makes me happy? Yes, it makes me want to cry and sulk (maybe even howl) but by the time i have reached the last word i feel accomplished, like my heart feels less heavy. It is this journey on its own where my escapism takes slight turns into reality without letting it be too harsh.

Does that make sense? I don’t know. It doesn’t have to. A lot of things don’t right now and I wouldn’t even be realizing any of this had i not started writing it down.

Writing about nonsensical things is the only thing that makes sense.

For a second there

For a second there

I forgot about the chaos outside

And about the raging storm inside

 

For a second there

I forgot about the fact that

My feelings should be caged

Because I am in a public place

 

For a second there

I totally forgot about

The responsibility of having

To study for a test tomorrow

 

For those few seconds

It was just me with my journal

And the music playing in my ears

 

A private conversation between us

Unknown to those around

It was the comfort of an unnerving solitude

 

For those few seconds

I refused to see the situation

As either black or white

 

During a storm

Grey is how the sky appears

But for a second there

I embraced it

And I swear

Nothing felt more beautiful.

Days when

IMG_4157You are not always going to be all rainbows and sunshine

there are going to be days when you are going to be a raging storm

no matter how many parties you go to and no matter how many friends you have

there are going to be those days when you will find yourself not having anyone by your side

days when you feel disconnected with your own self

days when even social media won’t be able to distract you

days when no matter how many times you try to find a shelter

the storm will break through all of that

because it so overwhelmingly

demands your attention

So let it rage, my dear, do not suppress it, not again

let it take over and create something out of it,

write, paint, sing, dance, run

let it go and create something

so beautifully broken out of it

for only a few can see the beauty in the storm

and you,dear one, are one of those.