So now that i have been home for a few months and my mother very conveniently hid the coffee somewhere, which usually belongs to me, seriously she only takes it out when we have guests over now and when they prefer coffee over chai or when she is fasting. That is the only time i get to smell the aroma of the mighty drink.
Seriously though, i needed to find my fix of caffeine since i wasn’t allowed to have coffee at home. I, now, drink chai. No kidding! me?! Who never even wanted to taste it for the 20 years of my existence, now i consume it thrice a day at least. How did it come to this?
I never thought myself to be a chai person. I make it with soy milk but still! CHAI! I drink CHAI now and i feel like i am cheating on coffee every time i do it. And i like it, a part of me questions why i never had it before and a part of me is just baffled that i am drinking chai on a daily basis now. And it tastes so good! But i miss coffee but i love chai now and now i am ranting. It is freaking 2:32am and i wanna make a cup of tea. There were times when i would sneak coffee in my bedroom ( not alcohol, not boys….but yeah coffee. i am pretty badass) and hide it under my bed every time my parents knocked on my bedroom door, and now i don’t even bother sneaking around and making it. What is even happening to me?
Maybe i should just start mixing them both and have it. That would be a fun experiment and it does not taste all that bad from what i remember back when i had it in Thailand.
As i sit here beside the window overlooking this city finally being blessed with the rain, all I want to do is just smile and take it all in. I know it is supposed to be a vacation and I am supposed to be somewhere else with someone, anyone. I should be whining and cribbing to someone about how much period pain sucks. I should be going to bed because I have a french class to attend early in the morning tomorrow. Even though it is a Sunday.
But here I am, sitting on a bed sans a bed sheet in new room with absolutely no one around me (there probably isn’t anyone on the entire floor) and I cannot help but feel really content. I love it, I am not going to lie, as much as I love being around friends and family there will always come a point where socializing becomes too much and I yearn some solitude. I treasure those secluded times I get. Then there is always that someone who tells me that my life is sad when they find out about this. But I think everyone has their own definition of what makes them sad.
It has become a ritual now. One of the days of the weekends I take myself out and explore this place by walking around and going to Cafés. I have a thing for cute and cozy looking cafés and they get me really excited for some reason. And just because my friends are not in town does not mean I will just sit in my room and binge watch shows (which also is a good option). Today I did not have a choice of going very far so I just went to Starbucks because that will always be my back up when I am running late or too lazy to go to a new place. I sat in my usual cozy little corner, grabbed a cup of coffee and read Harry Potter.
If there is one thing that I really like about myself, and there are not a lot, is how I am so okay with being by myself and how I don’t always need people . I don’t wait for anyone if there is something that I want to do, I just do it because I am doing it for myself and it makes me happy. And mind you, I have a very low self-esteem but that does not stop me taking myself out now and then. Honestly I enjoy my company the most, which I will admit is weird. But that is okay because I like weird. Going out and spending time with myself among strangers has not only been building my self-esteem but has also been giving me confidence and making me believe in myself.