I am trying to live in the here and now. to just breathe. be aware of my immediate surrounding. of my state in the present. I am trying to slow down, to listen to sound of the rain, the sweet melody of the raindrops blessing the earth.i am trying to let myself get carried away with every page I read, to close my eyes and really feel the music and not just listen. I am trying to sip on my chai and savour it rather than just mindlessly drink it. I am trying to be thankful for the present by living in it.
Current read: The forty rules of love by Elif Shafak
type of tea: Chai
Songs/band: Cigarettes after sex
Why won’t you stay gone?
Why do you keep coming back
Only to leave all over again?
Do you ever feel nostalgic for something that did not even happen?
Something you wished so bad would happen but never did, or maybe you never had the courage to let it happen or you tried your damnest for it to happen, but well, the universe had the upper hand.
Maybe you felt disappointed for a while but eventually realised that it was for the better or maybe you made yourself believe that it was probably for the better. So now when you lay awake around 2am, how does it feel when you look back? Is it a nostalgia for something you imagined would happen? And the imagination was so overpowering that it almost felt real? Does it happen often?
Does it leave you feeling empty? Does your heart ache a little too much even today though it was a long time ago?
Whether you’re aching or empty, let me tell you something, something i feel is the reason the situation turned out to be the way it did. Maybe it is better it never happened, because what if the disappointment of it never reaching the level of your imagination was way more heartbreaking?
What if unknowingly you were in for more ache than fulfilment?
I am aware about the whole deal of what ifs and how you shouldn’t live in what ifs but it happened once and that is okay, what is not okay is being so hard on yourself for the sole reason of the not-happening.
And this could be taken as a lesson to be taken forward for the next time you hold yourself back from something. There is too much to talk and write about that which did not happen because of the speculations and the freedom of imagination, Maybe that is what is writing poetry for someone, some kind of art for someone.
So don’t feel disheartened, you tried, even if you didn’t think you did, you tried and the universe acknowledged it.
Been doing that thing where I listen to way too much music and zone out more than usual.
That thing I do where i completely lose myself in a book to the point where reality is what appears as a break.
More sleeping than usual, more staying in bed even if it’s just lying around and not getting work done.
Taking road trips just for the heck of it and trying to accomplish the task of reading along with not wanting to miss out on the view.
Just sitting by the window when it starts raining and doing nothing but listening to the sound of rain.
A little more contemplating and less speaking.
August, you’ve been one taking-it-easy on the self kinda month so far.
Breathe through that pain
Breathe through that anger
Breathe through the anxiety
Breathe through the fear
Breathe through the impatience
It is going to be okay.
When a weekend doesn’t feel like a weekend,
When things don’t go the way anticipated,
When that least expected something happens and leaves you disappointed,
Take the time to stare out that window.
The sun is setting
The day is ending
Your mind and body, exhausted, wanting to give up.
Take the time to remind yourself to stay in that moment.
Watch the sunset.
Welcome the dusk.
Let nature help you heal.
Tell yourself “one day at a time”.
And know that you deserve moments of calm in those chaotic times.