Mini list – What i’m currently thankful for

One thing I have noticed about myself every time I get my period is my tendency to be super irritated, sad and negative all the time. These days my journal is filled with rants and only about the things that I find really annoying. Flipping through the pages I realized how my journaling has changed so much over the years. More like what I fill my journal with. As and when university progressed my journaling habit reduced and the only time I’d journal would be if I was ever sad, annoyed or just angry. My earlier journals rarely ever had that kind of content. It was mostly my daily moments, things I was thankful for, certain lists, stories about places and people and additions to the things I wanted to do in life and the places I wanted to see. I have barely had any of that in my last 2 journals. It’s all heartbreak stories, complaints and sad poetry (if it all it can be called that).

So today while wallowing over nothing in particular this along with binging on a show and a reading a book I decided to make a short list of the things that I’m currently thankful for.

  • I finally got into the habit of doing yoga after years of failed attempts so yay. I religiously do the traditional yoga every day for an hour now.
  • I moved into a new place with 2 of my friends and now I have a room of my own. My safe space ❤
  • Got a money plant for my room and named her lulu. She’s pretty, small and lives in the corner of my room.
  • A feel-good show like ‘This is us’ which makes me cry but gives a good vibe also.
  • Received an old copy of ‘Chocolat’ from a friend. He got from a second-hand bookstore in Norway.
  • Speaking of books, I’m reading a good book (so far) right now- The forty rules of love by Elif Shafak.
  • My tapestry finally stays on the wall. For an entire semester it kept falling down, sometimes I would wake up to it just covering me like a blanket.
  • Finding beautiful songs because of the soundtracks of certain shows and movies.
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I am trying

I am trying to live in the here and now. to just breathe. be aware of my immediate surrounding. of my state in the present. I am trying to slow down, to listen to sound of the rain, the sweet melody of the raindrops blessing the earth.i am trying to let myself get carried away with every page I read, to close my eyes and really feel the music and not just listen. I am trying to sip on my chai and savour it rather than just mindlessly drink it. I am trying to be thankful for the present by living in it.

Current read: The forty rules of love by Elif Shafak

type of tea: Chai

Songs/band: Cigarettes after sex

History is all you left me by Adam Silvera- A spoiler free review

This book was given to me for my birthday by a very close friend who knew my state of mind at the time and also my love for sad literature. Sometimes books like these just come your way when your heart needs a little more pain to be added to the already existing pain in order to heal.

FYI my opinion might be biased here because I really needed to read something like to this.

Synopsis:

This is the story of Griffin, who is suffering from OCD, trying to come to terms with the death of his very recent ex-boyfriend, Theo. Theo was also his best friend and someone Griffin saw himself spending the rest of his life with. There seems to be only one person who could possibly understand what Griffin is going through and that is Theo’s new boyfriend. They both navigate through this grief in their own ways but soon their relationship takes an unexpected turn.

Review:

Even though I just wanted to fly right through this one, I had to take pauses. Sometimes after reading an incident or a few lines, I had to take a minute or two to let it sink in. Some parts are just royally messed up and you’re all like WHOA. The storyline was plain and simple but there was so much in that simplicity. The pain, the grieving, the healing, the heartache and the brutal honesty in all of it is what makes one appreciate the journey this book takes you on. The characters were so incredibly flawed and you cannot help but want to relate or understand the why behind their actions. I don’t think I have ever read about any OCD character and this book gave a pretty good insight into what it must be like to live with it, which made me appreciate it even more.

Rating: 4.5/5

Song recommendations for this read:

  • All i want by Kodaline
  • It ain’t me by Kygo and Selena Gomez
  • Jiyein kyun by Papon ( Coke studio version)

Spoiler free review – Bloodline by Sidney Sheldon

How I came about reading it:

I started reading Sidney Sheldon’s books when I was in grade 8 and have read almost all of his books so needless to say, his writing style is very familiar to me. I wasn’t diving into a completely unknown world when bloodline was picked up by me. He is one of my favorite authors and sometimes his books are devoured by me in less than a day’s time. So, bloodline was just there, sitting on my shelf when I was desperately searching for a thriller to read after having finished “The unbearable lightness of being” and boy that was heavy one. Does it ever happen to you that a book sits on your shelf for so long that you start to believe that you’ve read it even though you haven’t? Yeah that is exactly what happened to bloodline, all this time I believed I had read it.

Review:

Do you ever just read a book that you barely started a day ago or so and then as soon as it is over you’re just like GAAAAH I WANT MORE!!!!!!!!

Yeah, as soon as I finished reading bloodline, the very sunny day all of a sudden did not feel so bright and sunny. As soon as I shut the book, it became so hard to comprehend that I was not in the setting of the book but in my own room in this small town which is my home. I had barely started reading the book the day before and could not put it down. It was not just the plot of the story, it was everything about the book that was so gripping that it forced me to keep on turning the page. The concept of “Just one more chapter” went out the window because I knew as soon as I started this book there was no doing anything else until I had finished reading it.

The cliffhangers were not making it any easier, they were so well planned and definitely worked their way into instilling more intrigue and excitement. One thing I always like about Sidney Sheldon’s books is when the protagonist is a female, how they are usually underestimated, shown as a failure and then while the evolution of them turning into this badass of a person is not just read but lived. This book takes you around the world, between the past and the present and gives a vivid description of the beautiful villas and houses. One gets up and close with almost every character as enough time and depth of the story is told for each of them, you see them struggle, live, from their past to the present and just enough glance into how their minds to see how each works and ticks differently. Just enough so as to not give away the suspense. The suspense again was well built and at no point did I feel confused and even though the ending gave the main answers I was still hoping to learn more of each of the characters and how they end up, which was left for the readers to imagine.

Rating : 4.5/5

Being Done

Its funny how when you think you are really done with someone you go around telling others and casually (but not so casually) announce it time and again that “I’m done!”. Hoping that that “done” would be the official one for you and you’d believe it once you say it out loud. And then past midnight when you lay awake in your bed drunk or even sober, you realise that man you’re far from done. You’re still stuck in that place. You’re still holding on. Still holding on to the memories of that person hoping they would somehow make it better.

No matter how many times you say it out loud to let the world know in order to let yourself know that you have moved one, you know deep down that you haven’t because you feel that longing when you listen to a song in the club, read that piece of poetry, go back to your conversations, really fight the urge to drunk dial, go over your journal entries of that person, just anything and everything that even remotely reminds you of them.

It does not happen overnight, as much as you wish it did, it does not work that way. And now that you started announcing to the world, you do not want to be perceived weak ( or dare i say uncool) by them so you don’t let anyone know that you really are not done. You shed a few tears in lonesome and make up some kind of a story for your lost and sad mood for those times.

Eventually, You get busy with your life, with work, with school, a show or friends. Now, It is probably that phase where you stopped announcing it out loud every time you get drunk.

And then, suddenly, one fine day when you lay awake past midnight a voice whispers in your head “you really are done”. It happens when you least expect it. Just like that. Did you even acknowledge the process? Hardly, but it sure leaves an impact. Is there a need to say it out loud now? Nope. Your heart knows it, it is living it!

Being done is not an announcement that you scream at the top of your lungs, it is a soft whisper which only you can hear that speaks those liberating words to you.

August till now

Been doing that thing where I listen to way too much music and zone out more than usual.

That thing I do where i completely lose myself in a book to the point where reality is what appears as a break.

More sleeping than usual, more staying in bed even if it’s just lying around and not getting work done.

Taking road trips just for the heck of it and trying to accomplish the task of reading along with not wanting to miss out on the view.

Just sitting by the window when it starts raining and doing nothing but listening to the sound of rain.

A little more contemplating and less speaking.

August, you’ve been one taking-it-easy on the self kinda month so far.

21 random thoughts

  1. Why am i so lazy?
  2. I should take this song off repeat
  3. what day even is it?
  4. what? i am already a 100 pages into it!?
  5. Maybe i should get a belly button piercing.
  6. what about them rolls though?
  7. No! i shall not submit to the societal standards of beauty.
  8. I need coffee
  9.  Why is tea not like coffee?
  10.  Where is my phone?
  11. I should finish my report.
  12. What if my report isn’t good enough?
  13. How am i 21 already?
  14. But….but age is just a number.
  15. why is my room such a mess?
  16. Did i pray today?
  17. Shit! Isn’t it someone’s birthday today?!
  18. Maybe i should place an order for a book.
  19. i want a cat.
  20.  Maybe i should clean my room…or just make enough space for me to sleep. And quickly clean up in the morning before mom wakes up.
  21. how is this song still on repeat? Not that i am complaining.