All about that look 

You know when you should know 

That it’s about time you let go 

When you look at someone 

With that sparkle in your eyes 

And realize that the person 

Doesn’t look at you 

With that sparkle 

Anymore. 

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That mood of the month

​Sometimes, a lot of people find it really hard to believe it when i say that my mood is equally as bad as my period pain when it comes to that time of the month. Like not i-wanna-kill everyone bad but more like nothing ever matters and nothing ever will. That is the kind of bad i am talking about. And every time time i come to know that my period will be arriving soon is not because of a calendar or something but because there will be these days where i would feel super low and i will cry for no reason or just cry because i feel like it.  I will cry in the shower, i will cry myself to sleep and just put on my sad playlist and cry to every song on it.

It is not some kind of momentary thing, it will last for good 7-8 days and that just sucks because then my mood has already waved goodbye to any motivation i had. Do you ever just feel like there is this whirlpool inside of you which is just sucking on any emotion you have and then all you are left with is emptiness? It is just you walking around with your emptiness, sleeping with it, barely eating or eating a lot owing to it, and existing without any motivation to fill something up in that empty space?

Well, i have had this go on for many years and there has to be something done about it. I do allow myself to stay in bed longer than usual without feeling guilty about it and watch some super emotional stuff that will make me cry harder. But i feel like something should be done so that this feeling does not feel prolonged. Here are the things that i hope turns that mood around for you or just make you feel somewhat better:

  • If you are in the habit of journaling then read the pages where you have written about some good times you’ve had. If not, then just scroll through your gallery and look at those photos when you were all happy.
  • Read, watch or in any way just go through something that you have been passionate about. It could be photography, traveling, dancing, something you must have doodled about the things you really like and allow that to make you feel something.
  • I know they say that you should not drink coffee when you are on your periods but honestly coffee works for me because it gives me that kick and sipping it while going through something that inspires me really motivates me to do something.

  • If coffee isn’t your things then  hot chocolate or tea with a little bit vanilla in both really helps, i strongly recommend it to go with a feel-good movie.
  • Read your favorite chapter from a book or watch a favorite episode from a show you like.

These are the things that help me get through these kind of gloomy days. Drop in any more suggestions that you guys think could help 🙂

 

MAUERBAUERTRAURIGKEIT

-The inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like.

This concept isn’t alien to me. I’ve been doing this ever since can remember, its not something i have to struggle with…it just happens, rather i make it happen. Because i convince myself to believe that’s the way it should be. That maybe everyone around me would be better off that way, and so would i. I’m a pro at pushing people away. Now even though i am more of a suffer in silence kind of a person, I think that i know that the person won’t stick around after a while and before getting too attached to someone i do it, i disappear and honestly that kind of is unfair  to the  people who really  care about me, and i make these cowardly moves where i shut them out of my life and i am the one sulking because, well, i am that emotional indeed. I know very well that it is not fair on them and but i let myself assume that its not like it would matter, like i would matter.Those are the moments i don’t get whether the devil on my shoulder is saving me or preparing me for my own personal hellish experience that’s about to arrive.
But i don’t want to do this anymore and i am working on it. I pushed so many people away to the point where now when we talk at times it feels like they’re strangers and i yearn to have those bitch-you-know-you’re-my-person kinda talks. I’ve distanced myself from everyone way too many people who could’ve been important and who still are. I’m learning to wear my heart on my sleeve. And i’m not afraid of doing that anymore. The realization that pushing someone away is just selfish and insensitive on both parties is enough for me. And also i’m learning to love myself again, so there’s no way i’m putting myself through this kind of shit from now on. Its been way to long. Its time i deal with situations rather than escape.
It took me 21 years to get this..but better late than never.

Seeing snow for the first time 


Apart from manali being really amazing and everything, the only thing I was super excited about before going to this place was that I was gonna get to see snow for the very first time in my life.

I’d seen snow only on screen and read about it in books but never actually seen it with my own eyes. Ever since I can remember i’d always fantasized about what it would be like to actually see snow. I knew it was going to be magical and like a dream

The day we were to climb the mountain, the only thing I was really looking forward to was the snow. And believe it or not, I was so engrossed in making it past the stepping stones while crossing the river, which by the way, looked like it was flowing really angrily

I didn’t even notice the patch of snow right beside me. Sure it was covered in mud and all, but hey it’s all about the beauty within, right?

So I legit scream and no, I don’t just run towards it, I sprint. And there was no subtlety in my reaction, I made it very obvious that in the 21 years of my life I was seeing snow for the first time.

I hastily brush off all the mud with my bare hands even though everyone else kept telling me that there was going to be plenty of snow ahead. My reaction was probably like a potterhead visiting the wizarding world of Harry Potter or a kid going to Disneyland for the first time. 

I could not believe I was holding snow in my hands! I forgot all about the exhausting climb that it had been and all the more that lay ahead. I didn’t care that my entire group was way ahead of me and it would take me really long to catch up. In that moment, I really did not care. I was having my own little moment. 

Just the fact that something like snow exists makes me so happy. 

Some tea and sun for the soul 


The night when you have cried yourself to sleep

and you wake up tired with a heavy heart
make yourself some tea
Open that window
Allow the sun to lend you some of its warmth
sit there and take some comfort in the way those rays hug your body
give nature a chance to you show its affection.
-healing by nature