I need to start writing again. It has been a while since I actually sat down and wrote something in my journal. The constant restlessness that I am gripped by does not let go any further than a little bit of scribbling here and there in my journal or the notes app on my phone. These days, I find it so hard to just sit down and put my thought into words, it use to be effortless. Journaling was my thing, something I have been doing since I was 14. The past few months I have been disconnected from the things that bring me nothing but pure joy, like reading, journaling and even working out. I have almost forgotten what it is like to be navigated by my thoughts while my pen being the medium to help me get where ever there is. Pretty ironic considering how it my thoughts along with everything else that makes me feel so lost and confused but as soon as I start to pen them down, it is as if they become real and make sense. So even if I do not find the solution I feel better by the time I see the voices in my head on a paper.
I deleted yet another blog. No matter how many times I create one, I end up deleting, I start disliking it and become super conscious about what if someone is reading and about what they might think of me, Which is something that is obviously going to happen because it is a blog post and I am putting it out there in the world, my thoughts, so if someone reads it they are going to have an opinion. It is me who is going to have to not be so conscious and start believing in myself a little more, because if I don’t, who will? So here is another attempt at blogging, not for anyone but myself. This is my own little corner on the internet. I decided to go along with this because there is something that I am waiting for and while the wait feels excruciatingly long every day, I am going to blog my anxiety away.